Goooooooaaaaaaaalllllllls

skip the lists if you like I'll intersperse real stuff in between :) real revelations for me going on! :) hehe

hehe.... so that is how they would announce a goal in Brazil (ok, ok I know they mean a soccer goal but still...)

Here are my goals for the 100 Day Challenge. Yes I realize I'm, um, behind but I'll start tomorrow and go from there.

Goals

90 day goals

1. Research potential career opportunities. I have no clue what to do with myself.
2. Work on health. Cook meals at home more often and workout.
3. Fix my budget system.
4. Take the GRE in case I do decide on graduate school.
5. Organize my house, car and desk.


1 year goals

1. Move in a direction toward a better career path (whether that is in more training/grad school or to an actual new job.)
2. Pay off at least half of my debt while also keeping some in savings.
3. Lose some weight. (how much???)
4. Make some friends locally, go on some dates.


5-10 year goals

1. Have a home (whether a long term rental situation or on my way to buying a place at least)
2. A fulfilling career that pays a sufficient salary.
3. Have finished (writing) a book.
4. Be ready to be or be in a long term relationship



I thought long and hard about these, and I'm fairly satisfied. I'm using my 90 day goals as my 100 Day Challenge goals as these are the ones I set for my life coach to keep me accountable for. (I figure the 10 days extra is a moot point!)

So here are things that I've learned so far:

I am an INFJ personality type which means an introvert, intuitive, feeler, judger. I have to say all of it was pretty clear except for the difference between F and T -- Feeler and Thinker, respectively -- that one was split about 60/40 on the test. The book that I bought had suggestions on jobs that might be good for my personality type.
Here was my list:

• Career counselor
• Psychologist
• Professor (English)
• Educational consultant
• Librarian
• Bilingual education teacher
• Museum research worker
• Religious worker
• Novelist
• Freelance media planner
• Genealogist
• Desktop publisher
• Web site editor
• Legal mediator
• Interpretor/translator
• Literary agent
• Human resources manager
• Executive coach

All in all I think they have me pegged. Reporter was notoriously absent from the list, to no surprise to me. I guess I always knew it went against my personality, but I never realized how much until recently. The one on the list I've researched the most so far is librarian. I mean, how much cooler would it be for a dork like me than to be surrounded by BOOKS all day. I do tend to get excited about things as I research them, so I realize I need to give it time to realize whether I'm excited for real or excited because I've been reading about it. I would say my biggest problem is that I'm good at too many things and I love too many things and I don't know what to pick or what I will like long-term.

I get the feeling that some of my family and my friends are starting to get annoyed with my lack of direction, but no decision in my life has been easy for me. I cried and worried for months and months before (rather randomly) selecting Midwestern as my school of choice. I'm thrilled that I did, but I have to say that nothing fell into place for me. I was miserable most of college. And since graduation I've endured depression like I never experienced before. I was out of it for a while, but I'm starting to feel like I'm sinking back in. I try and avoid it by filling my days with activities to distract me from the fact that every time I'm alone I just break down in tears. So hopefully I can keep myself distracted long enough for my body or soul or spirit or whatever is depressed to get to a better place.

I think I'm finally on a good path, one that will lead to fulfillment. I have to say I'm a little mad at God sometimes. I always used to think that was ridiculous because God is all-knowing etc. Everything is for the best, I used to believe. But I have been so faithful my whole life. I really earnestly want to do the right thing. WHY WON'T GOD TELL ME WHAT THAT IS?????? So I basically think there isn't a plan anymore... maybe a general direction but not a blueprint for my life. I think he might have the type of guy he wants me to pick for a husband but I don't believe there is "someone out there for me" -- I don't believe that anymore anyway. I guess I like the idea of soulmates, but I just don't think it is true for everyone. But all in all perhaps disillusionment is a good thing. It means that I'm taking control of my life. It means that I'm figuring out what I really want. I want to be happy. I used to believe that God wanted our holiness more than our happiness. But I'm tired of being miserable. I cannot function and be holy without hapiness. I need to feel elation for once in my life. I want to be in love. I need to feel fulfilled.

Maybe I sound like a bitter person now, but that is where I am. Perhaps things will change as I go through this journey. I have struggled with these beliefs more than anyone can imagine, though. I believe big things are in store for my life. I believe that I will make it. It is time that I put myself first for once and really worked on who I am. I'm not sure that I know.

This is day negative one of my challenge:
I have lost 0 pounds
I have written 0 pages of my book
I have saved a little bit in my savings