Winter

I think it is finally winter. In TRUE Northwestern fashion the snow fell today in wet lumps which immediately dissolved into puddles on the ground. I am pensive of late. Not exactly sad but not exactly happy. I feel so contradictory! I finished my 100 day challenge and succeeded and failed at once. I will start anew on Sunday. I have no idea what my goals are yet, which is why I will not be starting tomorrow. I keep hoping I will be more perseverant about posting Vlogs and Blogs, but I'm resigned to a few here and there if that is what my sanity requires. Lately I feel like I have been doing well connecting to friends. Book club, my roommate, and many others are all connections that I made in my first 100 day challenge.

And yet sometimes I feel lonely. There is a part of me that really wishes for a boyfriend. It is strange to me because for so long I was so resistant to wanting a boyfriend. In high school I insisted that I wanted to "court" and not date. In college I insisted I was too independent. Yet here I am at 26, feeling like a 13 year old. Gosh, that was half my lifetime ago.

Today I read a book called "The Mermaid Chair." It is so beautiful! It leaves me feeling jealous that my words don't invoke the same kind of emotion as Sue Monk Kidd's. Maybe with practice. Lots of practice. And lots of editing. Anyhow, in the book there is the reccuring number of 17. Everything seems to happen on the 17th of different months. It always makes me think and boggle my own mind with number games of my life, what things happened when and the strange coincidences those numbers have with each other.

Ah well it is time for me to drift into dreamland -- hopefully where I will recover from whatever illness I am fighting. If anyone still reads this I hope you are doing beautifully today.